btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
