You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
