Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

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  (516): my mother just offered to pay for my fake id. http://tfl.nu/7t8s
  Replies (48) Good night (17999) Bad night (1198)
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  (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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  (760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz
  Replies (33) Good night (764) Bad night (8214)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

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  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1578) Bad night (7734)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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  (412): Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day. http://tfl.nu/ky2l
  Replies (6) Good night (1932) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

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  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3812) Bad night (2161)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

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  (617): I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition. http://tfl.nu/v2i1
  Replies (3) Good night (2382) Bad night (1032)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...

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  (605): Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away... http://tfl.nu/4asr
  Replies (4) Good night (1341) Bad night (1247)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

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  (515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m
  Replies (7) Good night (917) Bad night (2945)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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  (248): You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open. http://tfl.nu/8umi
  Replies (7) Good night (1647) Bad night (696)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck him.

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  (304): When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred. (606): Fuck him. http://tfl.nu/h9q7
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (970)
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?

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  (234): Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories? http://tfl.nu/bj62
  Replies (6) Good night (814) Bad night (351)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.

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  (506): I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success. http://tfl.nu/n6ta
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (324)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

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  (412): I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me http://tfl.nu/nb8z
  Replies (1) Good night (340) Bad night (473)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

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  (443): Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. http://tfl.nu/rgbb
  Replies (0) Good night (467) Bad night (274)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.

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  (302): Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose. http://tfl.nu/sote
  Replies (0) Good night (299) Bad night (189)

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