oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.