She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
