This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat