Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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