You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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