This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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