I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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