if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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