I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!