1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
