dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love accidental penises.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
