woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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