My liver just broke up with me...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
