I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
