I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
