I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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