A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
