Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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