I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
