i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She needs sedatives and a leash
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
