If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
