guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
