Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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