you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
