my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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