I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
