your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
