I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
