at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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