We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
