If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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