im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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