Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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