We won't sleep together?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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