Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
