Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
