i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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