you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
