Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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