I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
