I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
