He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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