My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
