No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
