I can tuck mytits in my pants
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
