Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
