he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
