Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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