TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
