He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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