i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
