I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
