South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
