i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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