I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
