Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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