Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize