I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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