It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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