My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize