I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
