I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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