If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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