It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize