My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
where am i from again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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