The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
