I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Randomize
