i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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