Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
