why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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