if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
