WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
